By: Amy Cavlovic
Someone once joked that if one more person told them to “practice self-care,” they were going to scream.
Every caregiver I know laughed — not because it was funny, but because it was painfully accurate.
Caregiving is often spoken about in soft, inspirational language. What’s less discussed is how physically demanding, emotionally draining, and logistically relentless it can be — especially for the people who never planned on becoming caregivers in the first place.
The Role You Don’t Apply For
Most family caregivers don’t raise their hand for the job. They step into it quietly — because someone has to.
Today, many caregivers are older than in previous generations. People are living longer, often with complex medical needs, and the responsibility of care frequently falls on family. Many are part of the “sandwich generation,” simultaneously supporting aging parents while still caring for children, managing careers, finances, and their own health.
There is no training. No manual. No clear start date.
One day, you’re a daughter, a son, a spouse — and the next, you’re managing medications, appointments, and safety concerns you never imagined you’d need to understand.
The Physical Reality No One Talks About
Caregiving is not just emotional. It is profoundly physical.
Helping someone shower.
Changing clothes and bedding.
Managing incontinence.
Preparing meals they may not want to eat.
Listening for movement at night, wondering if they’re safe while sleeping.
These tasks are intimate, exhausting, and often invisible. They require strength, patience, and a level of endurance that few people acknowledge — and even fewer ask about.
The Emotional Whiplash
Caregiving can be deeply meaningful and deeply depleting — sometimes in the same hour.
There are moments of connection, tenderness, and love. And there are moments of resentment, frustration, guilt, and grief. Many caregivers feel ashamed for struggling, especially when they love the person they’re caring for.
But love does not cancel out exhaustion.
Both can exist at the same time.
About That “Self-Care” Advice
When caregivers hear repeated reminders to “take care of yourself,” it can feel dismissive — not because it’s wrong, but because it often comes without understanding the reality.
Self-care is hard when you can’t leave the house.
It’s complicated when finances are tight.
It feels impossible when you’re on constant alert.
Caregivers don’t need platitudes. They need practical support, flexibility, and permission to admit how hard this really is.
You Are Becoming Someone New
Caregiving changes people. It reshapes identity, relationships, priorities, and the way time is experienced.
The caregiver you become is not someone you chose — but someone you are growing into, often through trial, error, and exhaustion.
If you’re in this role, please hear this:
- You are not weak for feeling tired.
- You are not ungrateful for wanting relief.
- You are not failing because this feels hard.
You are doing something profoundly demanding — often without recognition, rest, or relief.
And even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it, what you’re doing matters.
Please reach out if you need support. Our Essential Care Program can provide guidance as well as community resources that help lighten the load.
If you have questions about hospice care or what support looks like for caregivers, our team is here to listen. www.essencehospicecare.com (949) 723-0585