caregiving – Essence Hospice Care

By: Amy Cavlovic

Someone once joked that if one more person told them to “practice self-care,” they were going to scream.

Every caregiver I know laughed — not because it was funny, but because it was painfully accurate.

Caregiving is often spoken about in soft, inspirational language. What’s less discussed is how physically demanding, emotionally draining, and logistically relentless it can be — especially for the people who never planned on becoming caregivers in the first place.

The Role You Don’t Apply For

Most family caregivers don’t raise their hand for the job. They step into it quietly — because someone has to.

Today, many caregivers are older than in previous generations. People are living longer, often with complex medical needs, and the responsibility of care frequently falls on family. Many are part of the “sandwich generation,” simultaneously supporting aging parents while still caring for children, managing careers, finances, and their own health.

There is no training. No manual. No clear start date.

One day, you’re a daughter, a son, a spouse — and the next, you’re managing medications, appointments, and safety concerns you never imagined you’d need to understand.

The Physical Reality No One Talks About

Caregiving is not just emotional. It is profoundly physical.

Helping someone shower.
Changing clothes and bedding.
Managing incontinence.
Preparing meals they may not want to eat.
Listening for movement at night, wondering if they’re safe while sleeping.

These tasks are intimate, exhausting, and often invisible. They require strength, patience, and a level of endurance that few people acknowledge — and even fewer ask about.

The Emotional Whiplash

Caregiving can be deeply meaningful and deeply depleting — sometimes in the same hour.

There are moments of connection, tenderness, and love. And there are moments of resentment, frustration, guilt, and grief. Many caregivers feel ashamed for struggling, especially when they love the person they’re caring for.

But love does not cancel out exhaustion.

Both can exist at the same time.

About That “Self-Care” Advice

When caregivers hear repeated reminders to “take care of yourself,” it can feel dismissive — not because it’s wrong, but because it often comes without understanding the reality.

Self-care is hard when you can’t leave the house.
It’s complicated when finances are tight.
It feels impossible when you’re on constant alert.

Caregivers don’t need platitudes. They need practical support, flexibility, and permission to admit how hard this really is.

You Are Becoming Someone New

Caregiving changes people. It reshapes identity, relationships, priorities, and the way time is experienced.

The caregiver you become is not someone you chose — but someone you are growing into, often through trial, error, and exhaustion.

If you’re in this role, please hear this:

You are not weak for feeling tired.
You are not ungrateful for wanting relief.
You are not failing because this feels hard.

You are doing something profoundly demanding — often without recognition, rest, or relief.

And even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it, what you’re doing matters.

Please reach out if you need support. Our Essential Care Program can provide guidance as well as community resources that help lighten the load.

If you have questions about hospice care or what support looks like for caregivers, our team is here to listen. www.essencehospicecare.com (949) 723-0585

When someone you love begins hospice care, the world often feels quieter—and heavier—at the same time. Many caregivers tell us they feel unsure of what they are supposed to do, while carrying a deep desire to “do it right.”

The truth is: there is no perfect way to be a caregiver. There is only presence, compassion, and permission to be human.

Hospice Is About Living, Too

One of the most common misconceptions about hospice is that it is only about dying. In reality, hospice is about living as fully and comfortably as possible, for whatever time remains.

As a caregiver, your role is not to fix what cannot be fixed. Your role is to walk alongside—to help create moments of comfort, dignity, and connection.

Sometimes that looks like managing medications or coordinating visits. Other times, it’s simply sitting quietly, holding a hand, or sharing a familiar story.

All of it matters.

What Caregivers Often Carry (But Rarely Say Out Loud)

Caregiving can bring love and meaning—but it can also bring exhaustion, grief, guilt, and fear. Many caregivers silently wonder:

Am I doing enough?
Why do I feel overwhelmed when I love this person so much?
Is it okay to feel both grateful and devastated at the same time?

Yes. All of it is okay.

Grief does not wait until after a loss. It often begins the moment life changes. Hospice teams understand this and are here not only for the patient, but for you as well.

You Don’t Have to Know Everything

One of the most important things caregivers can remember is this: you are not expected to be a nurse, a social worker, or a chaplain.

Hospice is a team approach. Nurses manage symptoms. Social workers support emotional and practical needs. Chaplains support spiritual concerns—whatever that means to you. Volunteers may provide companionship. Your job is not to replace any of them.

Your job is to be you.

Ask questions. Speak up when something feels off. Accept help when it’s offered. Let the team carry some of the weight.

Small Acts, Deep Meaning

Often, it’s the smallest things that bring the greatest comfort:

Playing favorite music
Keeping the room calm and familiar
Offering sips of water or lip balm
Speaking softly, even when you’re not sure they can hear

Love is felt long after words fade.

Caring for Yourself Is Not Selfish

Caregivers frequently put their own needs last. But hospice journeys can be long, emotionally intense, and physically draining. Taking care of yourself—eating, resting, stepping outside, asking for respite—is not abandoning your loved one.

It is how you remain present.

You Are Not Alone

If you take nothing else from this, take this: you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Hospice exists to support both patients and the people who love them. Lean into the care. Lean into the questions. Lean into the moments of connection, however small they may seem.

You are doing something profoundly meaningful—simply by showing up.